Natural Peanut Butter

I know what you're thinking -- peanuts are awesome, so if i just mash them up, they'll make this awesome peanut butter.

Wrong, hippie! Jif, man -- sure, it's chemical and junk, but it's like CANDY. Natural peanut butter tastes like if you took Jif, left it on the counter for a month, and mixed in a tablespoon of sand.

People Who Hate Natural Peanut Butter

 * Henry Quinn