Mike Quinn

Michael Quinn (28 March 1978 - present) is an art handler, balloon animal enthusiast, and popcorn critic currently residing in Brooklyn NY with Melissa Levin. He is immediately recognizable by virtue of his loping gait, caused by a gargantuan penis, and his shadow goatee, which is neither shadow nor goatee, except it is a shadow.

Early Life
Mike grew up in Bloomfield, Connecticut with his older brother Henry Quinn and younger sister Emilie Quinn. Henry was his role model in every way, which is why he studied math instead of playing soccer or studying art.

At a very young age, Mike realized he liked to eat grass, which is why Henry would at every opportunity pin young Mike to the ground and pull up grass from the lawn and shove it in Mike's mouth while laughing at him.

In another funny story, Henry inflicted lasting damage to Mike's ankle by offering him $1 to jump from their second story bedroom window. Mike jumped. Henry did not pay.

Batnet
A fun game that Mike used to play was called 'Batnet'.

Henry had to get up earlier than Mike, so he would shower while Mike was still in bed. After showering, Henry would return to their room, still dark, and shout 'Batnet!' At this time, Henry would remove his towel and then -- totally nude -- throw the towel on Mike and then jump at him and beat the shit out of him.

Why Mike enjoyed this game is shrouded in mystery, but he truly, truly did.

The Buss Room Years
During his teen years, Mike was a buss head. I still don't know what that is, but he wanted to smoke a lot of pot. I don't know if he did. I mean, I do, and he did, but I think he decided he was a buss head long before that.

As any buss head knows, you need a room in which to be a buss head. For Mike, this was the buss room. A humble room connected to his bedroom by a gnome-sized door, what the buss room lacked in lighting or the ability to stand up straight it made up for in loose fiberglass insulation. And from the ages 12 to 15, it was Mike's home.

The Time Mike Montano and I Threw Tennis Balls at Mike for No Reason
I forgot about this. Mike was like 6 and Mike Montano and I decided that there was a secret club we were forming, and the initiation involved throwing tennis balls at Mike for 5 minutes from a range of like 11 feet. It was a true trial, and Mike endured it with courage and steadfastness. I wish we had it on video.

Also, there was obviously not really a club.